Learning to be Positive

Because my last two posts have been negate and I have a personal goal of being more positive I am going to have a positive post with thing that make my life happy! Here it goes

* Family. I know I talk about them a lot but they are the best thing in my life and I think God gave me the best family on Earth. We are not perfect but we are close and I love them all.

* Friends. All of them are always there for me. I would name you all but I don't want this to be super long so I am just going to name Lisa! My very best friend ( I love the rest of you too I don't want any ones feeling getting hurt) Lisa and I are so much a like I feel like we are twins separated before birth! Thank you so much for always being there for me Lisa and never judging me :)

*My car. I love going on drives! When ever I am stressed or sad or need to think something through I just drive around in my car sometimes with music blasting and me singing on the top of my lungs and sometimes just enjoying the quiet. I think I know St. George like the back of my hand from all the driving I've done there.


*My job. Even though I whine about it and I have a hard time with some of the management, I am so grateful to be working again. It truly is a blessing and even though I don't work very much it and it barely covers my gas and car payment it makes me feel better about myself that I am paying my own payments again and it makes me feel a little better to know that I am somewhat self sufficient.


*My bed. Technically its my parents mattress (Not their bed. They own the bed haha just had to make that clear ;)  ) It is like sleeping on a cloud. I don't want to leave it  here when I move. I'm going to have to buy one like it when I get my own bed.

*French fries. They are just so good. That's all.


*Baking. I love being in the kitchen. I do miss making a mess at the bakery and have someone clean the kitchen for me and I come in the next day and start all over again. I have to really think if I want to clean up after myself if I want to bake now.


*Doctors. Even though they drive me crazy and I don't like going to them unless I absolutely have to, I am so glad they are there. I am so glad they spent years of their lives so they can take care of me and fix my back.


*Sunshine. I love being warm! I love the way it feels on my skin! I love sitting in it! I just love the sunshine! I am counting down the days to summer!


* Technology. I have friends all over the united states and because of technology I get to keep in touch with all of them. I get to email my friend on a mission, Keep close tabs on all the great people I met on my mission, keep in touch with all my friends in St. George. I just think its awesome.

I know this is a short list of all the great things God has given us and me but it is a start. (Sorry I got a little carried away with the clip art)

6 Months of Pain

It has been 6 months since my pain in my back started. That is 6 months of constant nagging pain 100% of the time. True it is not as bad as it was before I had surgery. I can also manage the pain with pills but it is ALWAYS in the background. Physically this has been the hardest thing I've gone through. I know a lot of others have endured a lot worse and handle it much better then I have. But the truth is I'm tired. I am so sick of this trial and I want it to go away. I don't know why I have had to go through this. My mom has come up with a bunch of theories. I know that the Lord gives us things like this for our good. To challenge us and make us grow and become closer to Him. I don't know if I feel closer to Him or just mad at Him. It depends on the day.

On a happier note I'm so grateful for my family! They have been so helpful during all of this. My parents have sacrificed time and money to move me down here and paid for all my hospital bills. My older brother, Adam took a weekend away from his family to help me move home, he also lets me chill at his house and play with his kids when ever I am bored. His wife Aurora lets me vent to her about the same crap all the time. She probably thinks I am the biggest whiner ever but it sure feels good to get stuff off my chest. She never judges me or talks down on me when we talk. Both my younger sisters, Amanda and Noelle have given up their rooms so I could have my own space. Even though I don't always say it I am very grateful to all of them and love them. I know I am a pain to live with right now and I'm sure by the time I move out my whole family will a long break from me. (Maybe I'll move to New York or Boston or someplace really far away for a few months or so)

Right before going into surgery